Why do we suffer in silence?
There are so many people that suffer in silence, and sometimes we are not even aware of it. When you ask someone how are you doing and their response is, “ I am okay” sometimes they are not okay they are just afraid to talk or put their burdens on someone else. Sometimes people feel they are forced to suffer in silence and here is why:
Why do we suffer in silence?
Fear of judgment
It could be fear of judgment from family, and friends. Sometimes those closest to us can be the most judgmental. There can be situations where they have high expectations from family. I recently had a conversation with my friend and mother and we were discussing how some of the people in the African American black community can be so critical and judgemental. It is like an automatic response for some of our community. Instead of loving on the person or being happy for them, the automatic response is to judge.
2. Fear of vulnerability
It can be so hard to be vulnerable in our society. Sometimes people feel “I can’t open myself up and share what I am going through because I can’t become vulnerable.” For some reason, some people believe it makes them weak. Some of us myself included having been told being vulnerable made us look weak. Fear of vulnerability also comes from perfectionism. We have had to live a life in such a way where mistakes were not allowed to be made. Sometimes people think they have held up this perfectionism personality for so long they do not know how to be vulnerable. So internally they say I am going to deal with this on my own, or no one will understand what I am going through.
There are other cases of fear of vulnerability when people think no one cares or they will only give me temporary visitation. Temporary visitation is when friends, colleagues, and sometimes family are only there as soon as the news break, but as you are going through this trauma weeks later they are nowhere to be found.
3. We also suffer in silence because we are afraid our business will potentially be shared with everyone.
Do not suffer silence but please be careful who you share your open wounds to. I know you might be thinking how can I go through this terrible time, and then go on a hunt of who I should share it with. Most of the time we know we know who to share our personal business with and who not to. Before you share it think about previous conversations you have had with this person. Are they always sharing someone else business? Do they always have something negative to say to other people or just negative all around? If the answer is yes to any of these questions keep it to yourself. Find a support group or a therapist.
It is sad a lot of times we have to suffer in silence because some of our closest family members are the negative Nancys or negative Nathans. We often have to go through the hardest times in life without sharing with our family because we are afraid they are going to throw salt on our open wounds
What suffering in silence leads to
Thoughts, feelings, and emotions start spiraling.
Depression
Anxiety
Isolation
How to move forward and stop suffering in silence
Always remember it takes 30 seconds for a thought to turn into a feeling, and then an action.
Take your thoughts captive when they arise. Find some affirmations related to what you are experiencing or need to hear and say them to yourself over and over again until you start to believe them.
Meditations and Visualization. As you are meditating one thing that will help stay focused is taking deep breaths in and releasing them and consistently visualize yourself in a better situation.
Find a support group you are not alone. There are tons of supportive groups on Facebook. If you are uncomfortable with sharing you will see so many people sharing their stories or things tools, that they are using to help them. (HS-autoimmune disorder)
Journal 5-10 minutes a day it does not matter what thoughts creep up today was awful, God I can’t trace you nor can I trust you, I know some of you are thinking Tamera that is a bit harsh to say to God in a journal. He knows our thoughts anyway and He knows our hearts He is just waiting on us to get honest with Him about how we truly feel. There is no sugarcoating needed with God.
Find a Therapist
Let go of perfectionism and judgment. The people you are afraid of being judged by has skeletons in their closet too. Some of us are just better at hiding them than others. Friends and family do not have the final say-so in your life. Their fake and false expectations do not matter let it go. Mistakes will be made, and everything will not go as planned but do not allow that to distract or cause you to quit.
We have to heal, learn from our mistakes, and keep pressing forward.
Journal, podcast, therapy, write or find a supportive network online. You are not alone.
Suffering in silence is a too big of a burden to carry alone. Our subconscious is a beast, and whatever we constantly give her she feeds into our consciousness and into our lives.
Those thoughts of
My life is out of control
I don’t want to appear weak
I am tired of failing
I have messed up again
I can’t believe I let this happen
I will never be able to move forward from this
You are not the only person that has felt like this, don’t walk around with that baggage by yourself, lay it down even if you have to take a little out at a time because of past hurt, but you can’t go around with all that trauma by yourself.
Find the best form of self-care that works best for you. It does not have to look like what everyone else is doing but find what brings you peace.
Healing will take time, it will not be an overnight process but you have to be willing to give it a try day by day.
If you go out and injure your leg and need a knee replacement surgery after the doctor finishes are you able to immediately get up and walk again? Nope, you are sent home with pain pills, antibiotics, and a healing routine, and follow-up doctor appointments. It will take time for your knee to heal it is not an overnight process and your healing will be the same way. Do not give up, and do not walk around suffering in silence.
You are not alone.